Alive

Fifteen years ago, I didn’t know what life was. Life was just a house, yard, and all kinds of simple furniture made of mud and made of clay. At that time, we only saw these simple, rough and simple necessities of life, because they were not only in our life, but also in our dreams. Smart friends would also build bicycles and cars, so they showed off specially. That was a luxury item that adults at that time couldn’t even think of..     Maybe children are born with fearless power, they will do it when they think about it. They don’t know how small and ridiculous their family play is in the eyes of adults.. But in the hearts of children, it is real life. Life is just what you want. You can make one out of mud. If the mud is not enough, you can dig some in the land. Life can be repeated, and of course it can also be copied. When you see what others have made, you can copy one yourself. As long as you put your feet into the mud, the dream will be in the sky..     If you ask a child what he or she will do when he or she grows up, almost all the children will say ” to be president of the state, prime minister, etc., and not to be governor or below.”. In children’s eyes, this is life, life is what I want, life is for us, of course we didn’t know what life was at that time.. No, we know how to live. In our thoughts, we are the gods that dominate all things. Only the place we see and hear is the world, the real world, and everything else does not exist..     At that time, we liked to fantasize that we were the Monkey King, who could not die without magic power. No, he was the Great Sage Equaling Heaven.. Hey, where’s my gold-banded cudgel? So we went to the woods and cut a straight small tree, or climbed up the tree and cut a straight branch. After rough processing, it became the artifact of our hands. However, there were four people in the Western Heaven to fetch scriptures. So I ordered you to be pig eight quit, sand monk and Tang Priest. I also want to be Monkey King. I also want to, maybe we will fight for the ownership of the Immortal Sage, and then be slapped back on the buttock by parents..     Oh, my parents were Buddha Buddha! We have a question mark on our forehead. Yes, we are immortal. Let’s fight. Sun Wukong is immortal. Oh, we only know when we slap him on the bottom. Sun Wukong also knows the pain, but we can’t let people know that Sun Wukong is afraid of pain. Of course, we can’t cry any more.. We live in order to maintain human justice, help the poor, punish evil and promote good, and make havoc in heaven.. Besides, men have tears that don’t flick, ah, thinking how to suddenly change from Monkey King to a man, without the protection of ideological power, five or six slap on the bottom, pain into the bone marrow! But still can’t cry, boys have tears that don’t flick. We must live for the dignity of men. Oh, Mom, I know I was wrong. When more than a dozen slap blows down, tears will flow out involuntarily. We finally understand that tears fall to the ground and really won’t flick.. By the way, isn’t it a shame that Monkey King was spanked by Buddha anyway? The gentleman can bend and stretch, can’t he?     Six years later, I entered the junior high school and started reading at night for my Peking University Tsinghua dream. At that time, I always thought I was a proud son of heaven, full of infinite power and sending out aura all over my body. I devoted myself to studying in the heaven and earth, happy and painful. I was invincible. No one could surpass me. I lived to stand at the top of my life, even if it was standing with tears.. But life is so cruel, I have been approaching my goal, just approaching it, and every time I rise to a higher level, I find that my opponent has not decreased, but has become more and more severe, even as severe as me. I always feel this way, but I have never surpassed them and never reached the position I wanted, just because those who are as severe as me..     In the dead of night, I often asked myself why I was alive and spoke to my lips. I suddenly felt that this once simple question had become so difficult to answer now.. I found that I don’t know why I live, perhaps just because of that pride, that pride that can surpass everything in the world, that I don’t know what my goal is, and what I want after reaching my goal, just because I have a firm belief in my heart – I am the best no matter what.     With this persistent belief, I have passed through three years of youth and enjoyed the glory that children of this age are longing for.. However, the lucky ones always carry a cloud behind them. Just as the three years were drawing a perfect full stop, I fell down, accompanied by the destruction of the whole soul. I longed to win over others in any way, but eventually lost to myself..     I don’t know why I suddenly felt tired, a kind of never had tired. I began to think about why people live, where is the meaning of life and where is the happiness of life. Should have been a seed of love age, I forced all girls close to me with my cold, even if they were school flowers, even if I had a heart attack. Because I was too tired, my thoughts had frozen over, and I suddenly felt that I wanted to be a carefree Xiao Mao. At the very least, I could escape the cage I had set for myself..     With this I don’t even know when to add weight to myself, I managed to squeeze into high school with a setback I didn’t even think about. It was just squeezing in. My thoughts were fixed there and I watched the envelope except my name was my own information put in the school. I suddenly found that it had no courage or direction to send it to me.. I became unusually quiet. I suddenly asked myself a question about why people live. This time I had a clear answer – people live for the sake of pain..     For the pain that I did but was ridiculous in the eyes of others, I began to prove how different I was. I forced myself not to study, but asked myself to take the first place.. I myself have almost been conquered by my ridiculousness. For the first time in my life, I have to erase it with magic, but time always slips away carelessly and silently. I also perished with my ego and good time. Three years of sword and blood almost cut the edge that I have built in my heart.. Finally, I became ordinary and my heart became dull. I asked myself why I was alive. In the deep heart of my heart, the last straw flashing hope gradually lost its light in the gloom of my heart. A kind of quiet and terrible helplessness and hesitation filled the boundless darkness with the power of fear.. Really, I even lost the courage to think about why I was alive.     I walked into the university with a happy know life and a feeling of ups and downs.. One night I looked at the stars. I didn’t know why they were so strange and I couldn’t enjoy the tranquility of the sky in the past. I found that my spirit was weak and my heart was really restless. I wanted to enjoy my own silence silently. It’s a pity that this noisy world always makes people uneasy.. I like the serenity of the night and the blue sky because they are like huge memories recording every move of life in this world.. I asked myself why I was alive. I don’t know why my heart is like a dying man, but I don’t want to stare at my eyes. Maybe he doesn’t want to be a trampled prisoner until he dies.. However, this trampling step step by step has stepped it into the earth with this loneliness of death.     Two years later, I got tired of life in college and got a job to let my life busy to save my dull mind and soul.. Perhaps it is the first time to experience another life. The red blood that has disappeared for a long time is boiling in my veins again with invincible ambition under the call of Yin Ling. Of course, it is not because of the meagre income, but only because of the moment when the rage that has been saved for many years has been released.. The cold wind is biting and the snow is falling. I like a tiger who has been hungry for many spring and autumn years staring at the bare steps of life.. Half a year later, I looked back at my life again and found that the heart that had once been clamoring was calm again. Living is not only our physical temperature, but also our soul. The thought we want to express, the sky we want, the image we once destroyed, in fact, life has already given us, but unfortunately we forgot to release our hearts.     Living is not only our body and soul, but also our faith. Life is an endless sea, life is a sailing boat, our body is a hull, our soul is a sea breeze, our belief is a sail, and the seaweed floating on the sea is the excrement dug deep in our hearts..

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