Brilliant is sad

3 years, it can be a long or a short time.    Life is so, the day every day that passes, every little bit of time goes by, but my mind was the memory of a clear stubborn.A lot of things, as if it were yesterday, a lot of people, if only just left, they have not yet gone.Voiceless is a happy person, at least in front of others, never revealing too sad.Her pain, her tears, the night belongs.    She was not wearing a mask of a living person, not be the last.Perhaps, in this world, a lot of people are like this, but, unspoken.    Like most people, voiceless love of her parents, a group or intimate or alienated relatives, several of the few, but they can ingratiate themselves with classmates and friends, in addition, a boyfriend.    People around in a hurry, it can voiceless has been very calm, often being asked personal questions, but always one: “fate yet,” gently alluded.    In fact, for the feelings, not the voiceless is not expected, she always liked to read, from small to large, read books, martial arts, romance, suspense, detective, classic.Not too small, genius and beauty book, Butterfly, sword horizon, eachother, always make life and death but not abandon her vision of the perfect happiness, belonging to her perfect happiness, like all the girls cardamom.However, such happiness, always seem to miss with her extraordinary.    While say that this is a pity, but voiceless hand, they feel lucky, because no man can love, so the heart does not have a heavy burden.This burden, only a minority of people, a few former or ongoing patient.    Since childhood, voiceless infirm parents speak a lot of heart, but the diagnosis after the age of twelve years of a sustained high fever, joint consultation and doctors, so that young parents are more frightened, still’s disease.    This is a disease of the immune system, only through hormone therapy.Even the most authoritative international Immunology old doctor can not tell exactly voiceless parents, what will happen in the future.    Hormone through blood drip flows into the voiceless, between the original lean her for three days, fat a few times, but her condition stabilized, began to slowly improve, two months after hospital discharge.    When the voiceless back into the classroom in the eyes of the students surprised, to understand what it meant to “Humility”.So, if she had not much more silent.    Voiceless just quietly on the school, and remembered the book.Results are not top notch, but still belong to the upstream.Junior high school, successfully passed the test helicopter, entering high school.    Accommodation voiceless high school life so very fresh for a while, but, school meals too bad outside, things are less expensive and clean, which makes the voiceless confidently instant noodles as a staple of every day.Complete the arduous military training, a month after the official opening, the voiceless and into the hospital, the repeated illness.    And a few months in hospital.After discharge, voiceless leave of absence for a year, the domestic body.In fact, is afraid of meeting the students, the students do not want to pay a good few goes to see her swollen face with a bread-like.    In that year, the voiceless accustomed to shut ourselves at home, in addition to parents, not see anyone, because do not want to face the group of relatives and friends mercy of vision, they made her feel that he is not normal.    After restoring learning career, has handed over a few days voiceless Boxing’s “master” deliberately gone to a voiceless, voiceless stunned and somewhat confused, my brain just want to hide his face, let him see his.He only said a few words with voiceless, left, and was never appear.    Voiceless some regret, her friends have been less, now, an illness, her only a few, have personally pushed out because of her low self-esteem.    Timidly had finished high school, rose sophomore, voiceless disease relapse again, this disease, let her become more self-esteem, the incidence of interval too often, increasing the amount of hormones, so that the voiceless is not only fat, body it is a lot more ugly stretch marks.Because the fat, the skin is too thin to withstand the rapid expansion caused by such fiber breakage.    A red one, like small insects crawling on the body’s pattern, so that the voiceless fear, fear, and even despair.    When voiceless once again stepped into the classroom door and saw that the teacher goes elderly Ronald Cheng’s face, although a lot of wrinkles on the face, but with a smile, still feel very cordial.At first school teacher for the voiceless and not reported much hope, so the first day of the physical exam just let the voiceless Relax yourself!.    Voiceless am grateful teacher, he did not because she could pull down the average score of the class and despise her, she whispered to her it does not matter, slowly.    Voiceless results are not good, but she passed the test, which makes the class teacher was surprised and very happy.Voiceless looked at the teacher’s face goes smiled happily, listening to the praise, the feeling seems to be returning to a kind of self-confidence is back a little.    Next time, voiceless to concentrate fully committed to learning, academic performance straight up, still not the top, middle and upper reaches are still considered.University examinations play in general, barely past the first volunteer scores.    Four years of college, is the happiest day voiceless.Meet new classmates, a six bedroom all get along well, except for one girl like a loner, and the remaining five are back and forth with school class.A year later, for a small bedroom 4 people one of six people were assigned to four different bedroom, voiceless with Kiki points together with Linger A rhyme minutes in a room, the rest of the Dandan and Ying son were assigned to two different bedroom.    Voiceless with Kiki, Linger A rhyme and are best buddies, claiming “S4”, follow the example of the time because of “Meteor Garden” and just red “F4”, but did not like the four boys cocky, like to call themselves Flowers – – flowers, our “S” is “single– single” means.    At that time four people, unanimously respected single, so, never accepted any fellowship of the boys dormitory, never dealings with other boys, even this class of boys, but also in addition to the same schools and classes exam, almost no intersection.Angered the class of the boys said they “eyes above the top”, but also because Linger repeatedly refused to pursue classmate, and was dubbed “cold woman” in the title.    In fact, voiceless know, they do not really four eyes above the top, simply because after chummy with each other, formed a small group, it is difficult to accept people from outside.Love takes time, four people are learning seriously good baby, no time, no energy to try a campus romance.    4 years, and soon the end of the study, examinations, holiday cycle, the next step is to find a job, go to work.Busy for a while, after the official work, life finally calmed down.    Work, work, rest, so life is very simple, very boring, very boring, very habit.    Voiceless accustomed to a person, accustomed to hide from themselves, from their own parcels, over the turtle’s life.Most of the year, the voiceless will feel happy, just two days Tanabata and February 14, voiceless never go out.When University, with Kiki two people had been out together on February 14 that day, in addition to her seemed filled with both, are pairs of lovers, visit did not take long, it can not withstand the eyes from the Quartet questioned, She fled to the bedroom, from these two days we do not go out.    After graduating from college, he seldom gets together four people, each with their own life, Kiki love romance and love, Linger in the sophomore, junior regular contact with the mysterious lover finally exposed, Ah Yun when looking for a job encountered some twists and turns, the new work was very busy, only voiceless, ordinary work, meager income, lazy life.    Time to continue onward with, had forbidden love voiceless in the school’s parents slowly began to hurry up, as the marriage of the voiceless.So, keep four trustees, and began to blind the voiceless, to meet.    The terms of the voiceless but a farce, though voiceless does not exclude the fate or something like love at first sight, but single for so many years, have seen the human side of shifting alliances, voiceless and consciously been calm, coupled with its the low self-esteem, so that what was never the likeliest voiceless feelings.    Sure, every blind date always ended in failure, nothing more than that he did not feel for her, or she did not feel for him, but more, neither side feeling.For such a result, parents are disappointed voiceless, and voiceless had expected, so do not see a lot of emotions, just feel a little tired.    Fortunately, it looks not outstanding though voiceless, not entirely no one to chase, also talked several times without salt is not short of love, and the other does not hold anything against him voiceless ugly pattern, but in the end, chose to break up the voiceless.    Perhaps this is nerd dedication and lofty it.Voiceless always felt that if people can not find their true love, rather the single so.    For this reason the mother had talked with the voiceless, also talked about love and marriage with their voiceless.She was a practical man, had chosen voiceless father but also because of various reasons, the biggest reason is that she can leave the harsh conditions of the farm, where his father into the voiceless factory workers do, and to return to the city.The voiceless voiceless father was sure to say that he believes is love at first sight, because his mother is love at first sight for the voiceless.He described the feeling as “familiar”, it seems like you saw them, one is delighted.    Feel voiceless, her character more closely resembles what with his father, the same low-key silence, the same stubborn stubborn, too romantic affection.    Voiceless envy the feelings of the parents, although the mother always scolded every day is not the father, but never seen two feelings too short and therefore, good mother is still left to the voiceless and father to eat, clothes are also ready seasons have be properly the.Father never remember where his clothes in which each wear, always ask the mother, the mother always scolded after the meal, to find out, after the father put on his mother and his hand was flattened fold.    Voiceless thought, as it is profound feelings.    Voiceless wish I could have it as a profound feelings of affection, not thrilling, but quiet and meaningful, sense, relying on each other, to white.As the picture is so beautiful, so voiceless suddenly feel a person’s freedom is actually a little sad, but he has been unwilling to admit it.    So, when the voiceless cousin said he wanted to arrange a blind date the first N + 1 when voiceless is no longer firmly refused, hesitated for some time, she promised down, because his father said that he and his mother is a friend of his mother love at first sight.Do not expect really voiceless corner encounter love, just give yourself a chance to think.    I do not know how to describe the voiceless blind date, but first wished they had not not like a girl, do not pay attention to dress, no makeup, not a girl that will.    Voiceless never make-up, especially blind date, because she does not think I can be as diligent as Kai-shek, Chiang Kai-shek can precede get up, pick up yourself, of good makeup, then told him to get up at night and sleep later than Chiang Kai-shek, in after he fell asleep remover, go to bed.Voiceless think, it is a perfect metamorphosis.    But, suddenly began to understand the mentality of voiceless Kai-shek, the original worry so much about a person, but so hard to make themselves Gan if yee, this is what love?    But unfortunately, this did not happen at first sight with the two blind people who, like love mother then his father, and the other does not feel the same response.    The wood appears as if put in a pool of still water a stone, like a disturbed state of mind Laosengruding original voiceless, voiceless begin to change, become stressed clothing, pay attention with the focus on makeup, it becomes about the outcome.    Wood always busy, busy with his work, he’s busy and a bunch of brothers to play, but never too busy to contact voiceless.Each time the voiceless always take the initiative to greet him, he would return messages.It makes voiceless very depressed, do anything, have no alternative.    Few dating voiceless wood, each time to meet, nothing more than to eat, shopping, watching movies, but every time he was very chic to say goodbye and walked away, the voiceless always feel very sad, like every respectively, is the last time, will not meet again later as a kind of despair and then see.    Voiceless is not a very superstitious person, but when the master of the temple, said she does not take the wood with the Lunar New Year, not fate, her heart was cold.Think that wood is a perfectionist, and myself, a very ordinary person, looks ordinary, ordinary stature, ordinary work, and had had ugly pattern, such a yourself, how to match?Perhaps, the old monk was right, this feeling, is not the outcome of.    Voiceless never felt so discouraged that they have despaired, even in a high fever, when lying on the bed, she still smiled and said to his mother, she would be fine, because she feels that she will be able to Get better.Today, she is shrouded in the kind of huge, full of despair, that moment, she finally tasted the taste of pains.    The old monk’s words will come true in the near future, wood always still prefer the single life, like with his band of brothers together, I do not like to be bound by feelings.    The last time we met was in a romantic cafe, dim lighting, the aroma of coffee in the beautiful music accompanied by, filled the cafe space.    Wood said he did not think well, or like a person’s life, make voiceless Do not wait for him, as soon as possible to find people to marry.    Voiceless just speechless, said he would not wait for him, said he would find someone else does not just sit there, staring at the smiling faces of leaching out of the cup in front of cappuccino with chocolate sauce, that smiling face is laughing at his own failure.    That love a person, it is that, when you meet the boundless happiness and endless miss after separation, endless pain when ignored, boundless despair when discarded.    Wood watched the car leave, voiceless silence came home that night, her first sleep, unlike the previous SMS and other wood as drowsiness fight back, but really could not sleep.Sitting on the windowsill, looking at the moon, the moon Yingying bright and clear, but then do not shine into her heart.Think of wood and bits and pieces from the beginning of the acquaintance, to cry without tears.    At the dawn comes, voiceless told myself to forget the wood, and, no longer believe in love.    The next day, voiceless with the shortest time to find a man who wanted to marry, and hastily married out of their own.    A voiceless is allowed to do part-time awareness, is a tour guide, articulate, urbane looks like.He has the same purpose with the voiceless, to get married, but also to the young, the family hurried to get married.    No wedding, no wedding, no wedding, no banquet, no nothing, just receive a certificate.For the voiceless, it does not need, do not need anything, and voiceless for a better marriage of fantasy in that moment to leave the wood, it has been completely shattered, and the rest, just the responsibility of parents to meet their expectations, find someone accompany live it.    Start the day is dull, buy a house, decoration, allowed to Arab home New Year.A home at Yun, voiceless limp accidentally hurt his knee, meniscus damage, had surgery.Hospital for a week, allowed only the Arab-Israeli point of view twice, he wants to tour, but he is also the only sister to Shanghai to work, and from the future, and has never made a phone call greetings.Voiceless parents were indifferent to their home is some advice, and voiceless but it does not matter, does not matter for the people, voiceless always very tolerant, because they are irrelevant.    Soon, voiceless home, slowly recovered under parental care, go back to work, back to the past and had a dull day.    Voiceless pregnant, which makes everyone happy, just so happy mood did not last long and was broken.Voiceless in three months time, stillborn, miscarried.The doctor did not give a very precise diagnosis, saying only that many see such a situation, many pregnant women are like this, reasons vary, environment, radiation, work pressure, tire itself is unstable and so many reasons.    This time, relatives have come condolences, including Arab Yun’s sister.She and her husband are together, and a wiry, also articulate man.    A door, Ah Yun’s sister on the front of the voiceless while critical, should not be wearing muffin slippers, not to drink cold water, this should not be, should not be so, prompting the voiceless mother was upset, mumbled to the voiceless, she his daughter do not know how to take care of it?Voiceless just smiled and comforted his mother: “She is well-intentioned, do not tell the younger generation care about.”Lunch, Ah Yun has led the couple to decorate the house looked good, I went back to.Then right again to return to the original as no intercourse without incident.    Rest for a month, voiceless continue to work, work, rest, the life cycle.    Six months later, Ah Yun want to raise a child, but voiceless for the first painful experiences too deep impression, hoping to allow more A little more time to her, let her keep a good body.A time allowed to call my sister also talked about this issue, specifically how voiceless dialogue is not clear, but later learned from the mouth of the cousin, Ah Yun’s sister had phoned voiceless mother, blaming her daughter do not understand discipline I do not know let his daughter to her husband continue the family line as soon as possible.The unfriendly dialogue really made voiceless mother not angry, but because of the voiceless with Ah Yun, do not want to affect the relationship of the couple and have been without the knowledge of the voiceless.    Voiceless had not hate Ah Yun’s sister, that she did not talk much, very honest, but did not think she could make such a surprise, more than angry, some sigh, the original people are not as usual as demonstrated by the , everyone’s temperament, to get along, will really face difficult the apparent.    Voiceless second pregnancy very plain, no joy for the first time, but is a bit worried, after all, we have had bitter experience, afraid to repeat it everywhere carefully, cautiously walk, work carefully, cautiously sleep.However, such a cautious always and everywhere but did not return expected in the well, is still stillborn.    The voiceless cry, for children, for themselves and for parents.After the surgery, still voiceless parents to take care of the voiceless, Ah Yun usual tour.The third week of rest at home, Ah Yun’s sister came, blame voiceless because of work lost child, neglects to explain the voiceless, I do not believe any other possibilities.When the voiceless to go to the hospital to check the reason, she directly said it was not necessary, as long as the next pregnancy when obediently stay at home, we will be able to successfully produce coming.And she was also the case for example, the first child is stillborn because of work, but three months later she was pregnant, went home to be produced, gave birth to daughter.    Voiceless I do not know what to say to her, a woman of middle school, some knowledge of how it should be, how to say so, then there is no scientific basis?That broke up the conversation, and before leaving, Ah Yun’s sister simply superimpose the voiceless five hundred dollars, saying that she and her mother a little mean, let voiceless buy food supplements.Voiceless did not want, throw in her left gave Yun Ah, Ah Yun took the money, he simply said: “You do not want my sister’s money, not after my money to you.”In the future, then the income is not really allowed to Arab to the voiceless, including household.    Go to the hospital to check the results gave a big blow to the voiceless, because the voiceless balanced translocation gene, it is more difficult to keep the fetus, more prudent approach is artificial insemination, the couple will be fine egg IVF, and other fetal survival stable after the re-implantation of the parent.But, the one to spend money, and secondly, you may want to try several times to succeed, because every time the number of women ovulate rarely, in order to ensure the number of ovulation, to take progesterone, and this brings amazing women increased chance of breast cancer.    Such results make it difficult to accept Ah Yun.He hoped that the voiceless can do artificial insemination, but do not want the burden of costs.He said to the voiceless: “This is thanks to your cause, so you have to be resolved by.”It makes voiceless feeling scared.    Originally I did not have high expectations for him, just as most people wanted, over a lifetime of dull live on the line.Just did not expect even this life, God is not allowed, to be killed.    Voiceless firmly expressed reluctance to surgery, which makes very angry Ah Yun, the Cold War for a long time, they do not speak from each other, and later allowed to cook longer with A voiceless eat, let her eat their own.    A permit each time asking why the voiceless reluctant to try artificial insemination, say they have no money voiceless.In fact, the problem is not money, but, voiceless convince myself to talk to such a man to continue to live, let alone to be pregnant with his child?Voiceless think that he would rather die alone, not again to maintain this titular marriage.    So, the divorce was put on the agenda, but the asking price of A large opening allows Lions to make the divorce process has been on hold.Voiceless parents can not imagine such a seemingly gentle man, how the nerve at the time of divorce also make a fortune.Voiceless is very clear, this is no feeling, and now even the family are gone, ruthless man, what kinds of things do not come out of?Just for their own interests only, understandable.    In the company, voiceless grudgingly smiled, pretending nothing, like, do the right thing, and occasionally say a few jokes, no one noticed any different voiceless.    It has been a voiceless cry, cry the last time after a second abortion in.Sometimes I think their experience in recent years, heart pain, sad, want to cry, but found that she could not cry, all the pain only bored in my heart, just like a dumb be cut in pieces, seeing him the meat was cut knife knife, but could not shed tears, not shouting, all in silence.    Voiceless or occasional contact with the wood, are more a courtesy greeting, casual chat.Voiceless experience, did not say anything at for wood, Wood said: “How are you?”Voiceless answered:” Oh, still alive.”To be honest, really still alive, but, how to live, he refuses to talk about.    Suddenly one day, wood QQ picture flashing, open the message: “I owe you a meal of it.Up, asking you to dinner.”I do not know how voiceless go back.Suddenly very afraid, I do not want to see their wood now an embarrassed look, but not willing to refuse, even if just a friend, he is also the most voiceless especially in the heart, most concerned about friends.    Voiceless promised, thinking, do not a lover, and also can meet for dinner between friends, chatting, this is normal, what you do not need to be afraid of.So to meet that day, as usual voiceless no makeup, wore tanned skin, hair tie became a simple pony tail, just a?Shirt jeans went.    Wood also old, still so young, short hair, clean and handsome, smug coated a gel, a lovely smile showing eye teeth, set off on a long dimpled cheeks, face the sun.    Voiceless and wood sitting at Starbucks, drinking cappuccino is still.No side chatting, his company’s business, the company’s welfare, high fees.Voiceless occasionally laughing at his boss was too harsh, he would rush to argue for themselves, but did not mention the “how’s it going?”This topic.    Dinner for a long time, almost the day after eating dark.Wood said the new Bund to see, will be followed voiceless.Nanjing Road is too crowded, people plus car, whack.Two people in the crowd, stuffy Chuyishenhan.Voiceless is very happy that follow the wood, just keep on going, even then a long hard way to go, but also willing to go all the way, go.Went to the Bund, walk back to the subway station, find a seat to sit down.It was another babbling about something, when he finally asked: “how are you ah?”Voiceless suddenly very sad, to say something, then to the mouth, but it stuck in my throat, stuck in there also not say how.Finally, he said simply: “I’m going to be free.”But I do not know to say wood, or say to yourself.    Subway in the same direction, but with different stations.Wood just have to get off two stops.Arrival time, wood smiled and said: “Goodbye,” voiceless smiled and waved goodbye, but at the moment he stepped compartment door, and pouring my heart full of loss, even with every kind of wood appointments previously parted despondency.    Slowly closed the door, a man finally left the voiceless.Surrounded in the crowd, the voiceless never felt so helpless, she suddenly want to cry, could not stop the tears fall down, prompting a burst of surprised people around.    Voiceless feel greedy, yet she would not join the day of clean wood eyes, now black and blue, a dilapidated own, how can we expect more?Happy this evening, is already stolen the.    Originally, voiceless thought that three years is enough for myself to forget the wood, now want their own underestimate their dedication, and three years, enough to make their feelings for his hide, possession of a deep, deep enough to fool yourself, give yourself one kind of illusion has been put down.But once dusty memories are dug, they all ever.    Still does not fit, for wood, voiceless himself powerless.    This evening, the voiceless and sleep, looked out the window the moon, the moon still bright bright, but it still does not shine into the hearts of the voiceless.Voiceless think of the song “sad romance” Na Ying, this is the Na Ying fill their own lyrics.    Hopeless same period of fruitless love, feel voiceless state of mind at this time as the time for the peak Na Ying, not love, not hate, there is only sadness and love.    Voiceless thought, perhaps, she will use the rest of the time, to miss alone, this period feelings.    Late at night, and all things are asleep, between heaven and earth, as if leaving only the people in January, relative to the dawn.

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